Paul,
I'm surprised that you stay around music at all. You sound as if it's all a chore. Don't you love anything about it? Isn't it worth a little time to perfect a skill that will bring you joy????
Quit looking for shortcuts and EZ methods. The only way to really learn it is to get your hands on the keys and practice. Get a good video or a good teacher and pay attention.... it's worth it - trust me.