Actually the only thing I wasn't serious about is the sex change .
I realize that you're not another Wendy Carlos waiting to happen...(She used to be a HE, in case you didn't know that).
I was pretty damn serious about the rest. I do support WHATEVER you decide to do. Groovebox might be your answer....but not for long. Even I get sick of Boom-tss-Boom-tss-Boom-tsss stuff.
But since you keep saying that music is not your thing...
Why do you even bother with musical equipment? There must be reason for your interest in synths, sounds etc. It can't be just boredom that drives you to stick to synth like OMNI and explore that possibility of getting a modular synth or a groovebox or whatever else.

Bottom line is, I think you're being to hard on yourself Paul, Relax, try different things and you'll eventually find what you're good at. DO NOT force yourself to do anything yet. Commitment is only good when you know what you're after. I don't think you really know what you're after at this point. If you knew what you wanted - you'd do it by now.
People will always tell you what to do and what they think is the best...blablabla - the usual. I think listening is good, but being able to figure out what is is that you need and what you want by yourself is even better.
I don't think you're lazy or non musical or whatever else some people here say.
Just explore, decide....see what happens from there.

You might also want to sort out your needs and wants. They are two different things and should be treated differently. Needs last longer - wants ...burn out most of the time or burn you out.

Anyways, cheer up - Don't let Nigels or Eds get to you with their values.

-ED-
BTW
Understanding that EVERYTHING about studio work is difficult is not just my opinion. EVERYTHING is hard work if you go it professionally - It's a fact of life.
I didn't make that up.