How To Be Friends With the Band..

REQUESTS:

Musicians are expert mind readers. Only refer to your requests with
the phrase "play my song"! We have a chip implanted in our
heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every
patron who ever walked into the bar, so feel free to be vague, we
love the challenge. If we do not remember exactly what tune you want,
it's an intentional ploy to offend you. Remember, entertainers live
to be offensive; we stay up all night thinking up ways to do this; we
also never get enough abuse, so any abuse that you add will keep us in
line.

If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they
either forgot that they know the tune or they are lying to you. Try
singing a few words for the band; if one member halfway knows part of
a chorus, the rest of the band will instantly learn the entire song by
osmosis. Knowing this, if the band still claims to not know your
song just keep requesting the same song ad nauseum. Never try to
request another tune the band actually knows. Scream your request
from across the room several times per set, followed by the
phrases, "AW COME ON!" & "YOU SUCK!." Exaggerated hand gestures
expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help such as
the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put downs are the best way to
jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of,
-Personal Friend Of The Band.-

If your choice of music is a complete departure from what the crowd
loves (and cannot get enough of), i.e. if they play original Blues,
ignore this.

Simply put a lot of money into the tip jar to bolster your argument.
This will circumvent any lack of knowledge they have about your
requested tune. The more money you tip the band with, the more
power you have to dictate what happens on stage. Feel free to use your
money to bully the band. Entertainers are notorious fakers and never
prepare for shows, they simply walk on stage with no prior thought to
what they will do once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy,
even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook. The band
and club's income does not depend upon numbers of people patronizing
the bar, screw them, your request is all that matters. If a metal
band had played at the club for the last few weeks, the next band
that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous
band played, even if the current band is a blues or country band.
It's the law. Feel free to yell "AC-DC!", or "SLAYER!!" to a band that
plays strictly originals or blues for example. Conversely, Deadheads
may yell for Grateful Dead tunes at a dance or metal band.

HELPING THE BAND:

if you inform the band that you are a musician in a garage band or
singer in a Karaoke bar, be sure to let them know that you can run
rings around them and they need you in their band. In fact the sole
reason the band has not exploded onto the charts is because they do
not have you as their big break. And besides, that black guy singing
the blues is just copying the Downchild, and Clapton, in spite of the
fact that he 's 63 years old. Tell the band, unequivocally, that your
mere presence as a member of their band will save them from the
depths of mediocrity and assure them of success beyond their wildest
dreams. This works every time.

If the band continues to refuse your repeated demands to perform with
them, stand on the dance floor and perform with every tune they do. Do
everything you can to be louder than the band, if they won't let you
perform with them, be disruptive. Nothing asserts your superiority
like an out of tune harmonica, vocalist or a tambourine played out of
tempo.

For extra credit, use these instruments in tunes that do not have them
in the original recording. Musicians love to play cover tunes with
instruments that do not belong there. They will overlook how badly you
play and will wonder how they have gotten along all these years
without you. BONUS TIP: As a last resort, wait until the band takes a
break and then get on stage and start playing their instruments. Even
if you are 86ed, you have made your point. The band will call you
immediately the following day to offer you a position.

Excellent, and well written. I think you should post this in every forum in the synthzone.
I am no longer a working musician or owning a band but I have been through this so many times. I am sure everyone has.
GET IT FOLKS!!
Bebop

Once got requested for the song "Round and Round". Hadn't got the faintest clue what the (rather drunk) young lady was on about. "You must know it, everyone's done it". mmm.

So I asked her to sing the song....

"Round and round I go, down and down I go, its that old Black Magic called Love"...

Unfortunately is I still didn't know the tune well enough to play it!!!

"Lay your head on my shoulder" is "For The Good Times".
"Oh My Love, My Darling" is "Unchained Melody".
This sort of thing happens all the time!
DonM

"That's what you are" = Unforgettable
"Junkyard Dog" = Leroy Brown
"Rollin' down the river" = Proud Mary
"Jerimiah" = Joy To The World
...and just last Saturday, while I was playing "Meditation" a guy came up and requested "In my lonliness".

It never ends.
Eddie

Whoa, somebody's having a bad week.

But it is true...

Yep, just another fun day in Paradise!

Gary

Got a request once for "Burning Bridges" ... tried to convince the person that I had no clue as to what song `she was talking about and she kept saying she had heard me sing it many times ... later that night, while I was singing a song she came running up to the stand yelling "That's it, That's it ... I said you knew it ... " I was singing "For the Good Times" ... "... there's no need to watch the BRIDGES that we're BURNING..." ?!?!? ...
I have mentioned that my mom (who died in February at the age of 90) loved to sing and entertain ... and if she wanted to sing a song I didn't know she would say .. "OK, just play the chords" ...
t.

Very good btweengigs! Right on! Thorougly enjoyed that!

Here's one someone threw at me many years ago. Now I tease my buddies when they're on stage and I'm not.

"Play something you know."

Good stuff, Eddie... glad to see you're above water again!

Right on! I'm lucky that in over 30 years of playing we haven't had much of that. We do get the usual bad titles such as "can you guys play the bullfrog song?" The best way to get rid of a wannabe sit in singer is to tell them you are playing the song in their key but actually play it badly in another key either too high or too low. It helps to add or skip a few beats too although most wannabe singers already do that. Now I would NEVER do these type of things but I've heard rumors that some musicians do.

Tom