I’ve had this “assisted living” account for 17 years now. I play the piano in the front lobby in the morning and the accordion in the Alzheimer unit in the afternoon.

When I first started, a music performance was sacred. No one dared interrupt both out of respect for the musician and out of respect for the listeners.

What changed? The indifference of the staff and office personnel. Nowadays they think nothing of talking loud (so they can hear each other over the piano) while I‘m playing. I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing and the audience can’t focus on the music.

The Alzheimer unit is not as bad, but since I’m only playing my accordion acoustically there, the slightest disturbance becomes upsetting.

A few week ago I was doing the “accordion” event, and the nursing staff in the room took a break from working their smart phones and starting a social conversation back and forth across the room.

I politely asked them NOT to talk while I’m playing to the residents and they did so. But I knew I was walking on thin ice with that request.

Later I was talking to the AD, who I know on a personal level for many years now, and relayed my experience to her. She advised me, under her breath, “it’s different now.....just play the job, send an invoice, wait for your paycheck, and don‘t think about it anymore” Another way of saying.....I want you to continue playing here, but if management hears about what you said to the staff, they will do what is ”politically correct” and replace you with someone else.

That’s hard for me to do. That’s hard for any man to do. Retreat to the corner, put duct tape over your mouth with a sign that says “Do Not Open Till Christmas.”

Now, my friend, on the other hand, has a voice like Johnny Cash. He told me he just stops playing and tells everyone to shut up with that big booming voice of his.

I’m wondering is it geographical or has everyone gone rude, self-centered, and narcistic to the point all they see is their latest tattoos? Who cares if you’re ruining the performance for the residents?

What do you guys think? I’m really having a hard time with all these changes over the years. There’s just no fun in playing anymore!

Would you tell staff to “shup up” or just “ride it out?” It’s a tough call because I know a lot of you think about the residents first and the paycheck second!

Mark

Mark,
I have lost two long time gigs over the same issue this year. In my case I stopped playing and asked the offenders to be a little quieter. In one scenario I was dubbed to be rude and disrespectful although I was very polite in my request. What bothered me was those who came to hear the music were not allowed to do that and they would look around at the offenders and you could tell they were not happy about the situation. In both cases the staff was useless and it seemed scared to do the right thing. In hindsight it has not mattered to my gig schedule and I have moved on. Now what I do is simply turn up the amp and keep on going. If I get complaints I tell the AD the noise level required me to play louder. Like the lady said, play the gig, take your money, and don't worry about it.

Deane

"Play the gig, take your money, and don't worry about it". Nuff said!

Mark
As then AD said , things are different. The rules of Decorum are basically out the window. The way people behave at events or worse how their children behave is very sad. I haven't been to a movie in years because of audience behavior. Ever get dressed up to have dinner in a fine restaurant? Look around the room and you will ask yourself " How did they let theses people in" and " where did these people think they were going, to dig in the garden.?
Did a family party last night. During dinner the Kids were out of control running and screaming in front of me and the parents sat at the other end of the room drinking and eating totally oblivious. I was doing some summer songs on the Arranger at moderate dinner volume and one mother comes up to me and says " Can you play some Megan Traynor for the kids ? " Yea , Like they were going to pay attention to me LOL Switched to DJ mode and cranked the volume . Best thing was later on some people at the bar in the next room complimented me on my playing and singing
Do the gig, get paid and ignore it if possible. Your not going to change things

Whew! And I thought it was just me.
Eddie

No its not just you its all over. Long ago I would say jokingly my dream was to play in a place with no TV's. Now I'm happy if they will just turn the sound off LOL !

We're just not takin that seriously anymore and I've learned to accept it. People mostly are great but a lot just don't realize what they're doing.

BTW after the party that I wrote about the guy who booked me came up and told me how great I was and to book it again next year. Would of been my 4th annual party for them. Sorry I had to tell him I'll be long gone from NJ. He looked like he was going to cry. You never know, just keep on keepin on.

To me, large screen TV’s everywhere and live music don’t mix well----especially during football season. At least in my case, they do mute the sound. On several occasions, I’ve found the remote and done it myself.

I've played a lot at the same venue for close to 30 years. There was a dress code. Gentlemen had to wear jacket and tie. If you didn't have one there were loaners. Now you can wear cutoff jeans and a tee shirt if you want...as long as you have a couple hundred to spend.
Most people still dress nicely, but not like before. The entertainers and wait staff always wore tuxedos. That has relaxed too. I've seen entertainers come in looking really scruffy, then wonder why they don't get asked back.
I make it a point to dress maybe a little nicer than most of the customers, so I always wear a sport coat at least.
I must say that children seem to be always well-behaved, although many of them bring their babysitters, a phone or tablet of some kind.
I don't expect people in this atmosphere to sit and watch everything I do. The ones that want to do that usually sit pretty close to me when possible. Others want to converse at their tables, which is fine. Very seldom does anyone get so loud that it is disrupting. On the rare occasions that does happen, the staff and owner are really good at handling it without causing problems. They will go over and start a conversation, ask how they are doing, maybe bring them something free to eat or drink and diffuse the situation. VERY rarely it will reach a point when they are asked to settle down or leave. Point is they are not allowed to disrupt the enjoyment of others.
I'm sure this is not the norm these days though. I've never had a problem at nursing homes or retirement centers such as described by Mark, but I haven't worked them in several years. Now most of them are owned by some huge corporations somewhere and maybe the atmosphere has changed.

Don

Last place I played with an enforced dress code was in North Jersey.
Sat. night Jackets for men. No jeans ever.
Now the restaurants are all scrambling for every dollar so anything goes. Like they say "as long as your wearing some green"
The lack of hiring entertainment is part of it.
I also have recently seen some preformers who just look terrible. Even playing an outside venue you can look decent.
You have to train yourself to ignore most of the noise and whatever and do your best job. I'm sure most of the players here run into the same situations and keep going.

Dont always blame the audience,...On any gig including a NH you as the entertainer need to really be in charge of YOUR stage and keep YOUR audience in an attentive state,.... it works both ways like a battery charging off each other, ...
if they are bored with YOUR performance that's your fault, they will drift to something else.
Give em the WOW factor!! Don't be just like the other guy up there!!! If you do it right you will a big difference.

What I can change and what I cannot change.

Rules:
1-You can’t change them.
2_All you can change is you. So, if you can’t accept what is happening go.

These things only become an issue when the other parties are not doing what YOU want them to do.

Did I preach again? Sorry.
John C.

In all the locations I've performed over these many years, I've never encountered this problem more than a handful of times. Sure, some of the ladies at the tables are talking, but most of the time it's not often, or ever loud.

I do recall a couple times when I was performing the nite club circuit when a few drunks got loud and obnoxious. When it happened, I did my best to just ignore it, but there were a few occasions when it just rubbed my the wrong way. Once, I stopped playing, set the vocal processor to talk, and said "Hey, you two guys over in the corner. If you think that all that yelling you are doing is more important than the rest of the audience being musically entertained and dancing, then why don't you come up here and tell them why? At that point, 100 people were staring at them, and they kept quiet the remainder of the night.

Unfortunately, the younger audiences, and some older individuals, can't seem to exist without their cellular telephones firmly in their hand and staring at it. Those people drive me insane. Maybe it's just me, but I sincerely believe that while I'm on stage playing and singing my heart out, there is nothing more inconsiderate to the entertainer than sitting there staring and texting on that damned, stupid phone as if nothing in the world was more important. It really pisses me off. (another good reason to retire!)

Yes, the dress code seems to have fallen by the wayside, but MY dress code has never faltered. And, I get lots of positive comments on this everyplace I've ever performed. When I see entertainers walking in wearing ragged-assed jeans, Tee-shirts and work boots, I often wonder to myself "What ever happened to pride of appearance?" I see youngsters dressed like this to attend funerals and wakes. If I had even thought of doing something like this, my father would have kicked my butt, while my mother held me down.

I still have three tuxedos, two black and one white jacket/black slacks. Yes, I still have some bow ties and matching vests to go with them, but unfortunately, since the introduction of green coconut Margarettas, they no longer fit well. And, yes, I have patten leather shoes to go with the outfits.

Right now, it's 95 degrees with a humidity of 100 percent, so walking out the front door is akin to stepping into a steam bath. However, even under these circumstances, I will be wearing a freshly pressed guyabera shirt, black slacks, and shined shoes. I take a lot of pride in my appearance, both on the job and off. (gotta look good for the ladies!)

Good luck,

Gary

I think what Mark is talking about is not the residents. It's the staff--mentality and commitment. They are showing no respect to him or the residents.
I think if it were me, and I didn't really need the money, I would discuss with the Administrator. If he takes their side, then kindly thank him for the years you've been there and ask him to call if things change for the better.

I agree, Don. Fortunately, I don't have that problem up here in the mid-Atlantic region. The staffers here have been very, very considerate, of both myself and the residents.

All the best,

Gary

I don't have that problem either .....
when I perform the staff is all dancing with the residents...always a good time for all.

Maybe it's also a difference whether you just play the piano or accordeon like Mark or an arranger. Most of the answers were related to arranger playing, and using a PA system talking staff probably doesn't strike as much compared to pure piano, which is not as loud. Maybe it's also a different style of music if you play pure piano, so you can't expect the staff to "dance" with the residents like DNJ says. Some good piano music is not for dancing.

Most facilities here won't even book piano players anymore as they say it puts the residents to sleep when they want to PARTY lol!! One AD told me " Why should we pay some guy who comes in sits at our piano, back facing the audience, no singing, and plays piano songs that put the whole place to sleep?" I just shook my head and told her I couldn't answer that but I know one thing when I am here it's party time!

Ditto, Donny. They don't hire piano players here, but we have one guy who plays accordion named Al The Accordion Guy, but he also sings and so does his wife, whom accompanies him most of the time.

The vast majority of the NH entertainers here are arranger keyboard players, and they all sing very well. They have all the work they can handle, both on the NH and nite club/restaurant circuits. However, if you don't sing, around here at least, you will find it very, very difficult to find employment.

All the best,

Gary

Yeah, we've had that discussion before. Some people don't find anything in good, high-quality music unless it's party music including vocals.
As a pianist, you have to find the right places where the audience cherishes good instrumental music, and hope staff grasps the taste of their residence, too. I know some old people's residences which organize both plain party music events and classical concerts, and both types of events draw a lot of interest. And, in between, decent background live piano music for a nice restaurant/café atmosphere. Without automatic styles and singing.

Europeans might have a bit of different way of thinking about this .....

Found an interesting article on "Why Americans hate instrumental music":
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/columns/features/why_americans_hate_instrumental_music.html

(And I think a lot of it applies to many Europeans and people from anywhere, too, sadly.)

Take the money and run.

I remember playing in a band at a bar in Chicago back in the 70's, where the bartender told us to turn it down so that the folks at the bar could hear the ballgame on the television.


Duane

Guys I got one of the best gigs around 3 nights a week and doing a good Job packing the place there are 5 big screens with all the sporting events going people carring on conversations yelling at there friends and people on there cell phones and texting while I am playing it crazy at times but people love what I do and they pay me good to play so that whaT YOU GOT TO DO thease days to keep working and I working a lot .

Yep, you just have to shut it out, do what you do, and get on with it.

When I put my first band together only one out of ten was a vocal. As time passed we changed with the demand. Today only one instrumental in 20 songs is played. If it were not for polkas, waltzes, and Latin music the percentage would be even lower.

Reference to the beginning of this thread.

As I changed over the years to meet the listener’s and dancer’s demand I am ready to change to the demands in the adult places I play in now. I cannot meet the demands for the younger crowds so I never book them. I learned this the hard way.

Years back I played a three hour for 120 people in a catering hall. After the first hour I asked myself; what am I leaving out, what do they want. No one danced. I began to lose it toward the end of the job; almost three hours and no one had danced. I played the best that we had and got the same results. At the very end of the job we announced that we were playing the last dance. A young couple walked up to the dance floor and began to dance. Something was strange; they were doing a box step. I looked towards to bar and tables and they were all drinking water and soda. They were a religious group laced with DO NOTS. Moral of this story, let us not always blame ourselves.

In the nursing homes I play in when they become restless and begin to lose interest I begin to play music they cannot turn away from. Fast two-steps, and later I found out they loved disco music. Even though they did not understand disco music they could feel it.

IMHO, John C.

Sign of the times. Us seniors were brought up in a much kinder
atmosphere. That does not exist today, people are rude and brash.
I don't mean to say all younger people are that way but parents are busy with being successful and making lots of money. They don't spend the time teaching children basics. They leave that
to teachers. We were so fortunate to be brought up in those
days where politeness was an important part of life. Lloyd

Yeah, you see, how did that happened? Is not like today's parents are not yesterday's kids... Somehow, what we are today must have came from what we were yesterday!

Piano player in lobby playing background music "is what it is".

Employees at a nursing home should show a little respect for the entertainer and the residences who may want to listen. I'm surprised one of those residents didn't give a loud "SHHHH" (As long as that "SHHHH" is directed to the talkers, and not the entertainer)

On another note, I'm always amazed by those who pay to venture out to a concert, and then never really listen to the music, and do nothing but yak yak yak. I don't get that. I once saw an argument break out close to me where I heard one say "If you're not going to listen, please be quiet, or leave" Her response "I paid, I can talk" His response " I paid and I can't hear" ... SECURITY!!!

The children of today are a result of the world we handed them.

John C.

I guess I must have done something right. My children, 45 and 49 years old, would never had considered talking, texting, etc during a musical performance. And, they still don't!

Gary

Gary, neither would my children but we are musicians and our children have learned to respect us. When my Dad played piano I became angry if there were people talking while he played; it’s the way I was brought up.

Sadly we are not the norm. Just dealing with you on this forum tells me you are about respect. The members on this forum respect you and so do I. It starts with the father and then down to the children.

John C.

Thanks John, I really appreciate that.

Gary

Donny.....this is not what the post was about, but......let's have an understanding here. I've been playing music full time to an audience probably for longer than you've been alive. Do you actually think I don't know what I'm doing?

I play the piano for the morning group because that's what both the AD and the audience wants me to do.

I play the accordion for the afternoon group for the same reason……that's what both the AD and the audience wants me to do.

Both groups just want to sit and listen to their favorite old songs.

Did you honestly think that the the only way to entertain an audience is to put on some kind of a Motown show or ramp up your act with the Stones.

Audiences come in all kinds of flavors, shapes and sizes. A good musician can switch back and forth between presentations.

FYI.....I spice up the piano and accordion performances with songs like William Tell Overture, Tico Tico, Brazil, Dizzy Fingers, etc (so they DON‘T fall asleep). Attached is a short demo of me playing the beginning of Dizzy Fingers.

Looking forward to hearing your PA900 demo.

Mark

Thanks, guys, for an incredible number of eclectic comments. I've been carrying this situation in my mind for quite a while now. I'm glad I reached out to the group. I don't feel like it's just my imagination. You all have variations on the same theme….enough to make me feel not alone with it.

So “the times, they are a-changing” means that “when in Rome, do as the Romans do?”

But doing it for the paycheck, is NOT the primary reason we do what we do. Many of us entertain for altruistic reasons and not economic greed. That’s another way of saying we’re trying to make the world a better place to live in through our music. At least, that’s what motivated me when I first started

Rosetree posted...

Why Americans hate instrumental music

It’s a long read, but I read it 2x. It pretty much spells out what’s happening in society today, not just in music but in every-day life.

So....musically speaking, I have to do some deep thinking now about how to “adjust” to today’s indifferent, inattentive and increasingly rude world we live in. Musicians get hit the hardest.......we're deeply sensitive people!

MARK

Mark you’re not alone, times are changing for all of us. I remember my guitar teacher Joe Genile, he was an artist. His style of playing, his arrangements, he was one of the best I have ever heard. He worked with Morton Downey. (spelling?) During the war they made him a caption in special services because of his guitar playing. Greek, Italian, classical, show tunes, he did it all; and without music.

Joe played weddings, anniversaries, parties, Joe did it all. After a while my band booked more jobs than he did, and I wasn’t half the musician that he was. Times were changing and it was time to move over. I was younger and so was my music. I stepped up and he had to step down; this is life as sad as it might be. My time has also here; I must step down.

But the story does not end here for senior musicians – as long as we have it in us we will still perform. We may have fewer choices but if we honest with ourselves we can hold onto some of what we had.. There is no way I can play and sing Blue Suede Shoes and sound good to a younger audience. And there is no way I can play and sing country music like Don. But what I can do I do well. Now to find the people who like my music; there are fewer of them but they are still there.

Mark, more than most I can appreciate your playing, it’s good. My dad was an above average piano player, you reminded me of him. Thank you.

John C.

I, too have been around long enough to see the transition between tuxes and what people wear today. I've seen jam sessions degenerate from a function of learning and respect to a chance for anyone with an instrument to play with a band.

Since I play dining rooms and patio's mostly, my challenge is people who come up to me in mid-tune and want to talk for 3 minutes...sometimes even thru a vocal.

Women come up and want to lay a big old smooch on my cheek mid-tune (now that can either be good or really bad LOL).
Sadly, politeness and appreciation are often forgotten.

Part of the problem around here was the availability of restaurant/bar licenses. Now, anyone who claims 50% of sales and at least 75 seats can get a very cheap bar license. Before, you had to pay market price for one of a limited number of licenses...usually, more than $75,000.00.

Now, every little restaurant has a microphone and what seems like 100's of kids competing for a $50.00 a night job.

In these places, cheap music is part of the background. No money, respect or appreciation.


Russ