Steve, after recording thousands of radio commercials over the years, there are some techniques that could improve your spot.
I agree that the mix could use some tweaking with the volumes as previously noted. One of the biggest issues is your voice over. Needs to sound more present and full (maybe a professional voice talent or local radio guy). You could improve your voice with a condenser mic and some compression, if that’s a dynamic mic your using. You need to climb up on the mic (using a wind screen to avoid popping) to get rid of room ambience. Maybe put a blanket around the area your recording the V/O. Then compression on the whole mix to add more fullness and punch. Just a few ideas from an old studio fart.
JM
Funny, no one has really climbed on the VO performance. I am glad you did as an old "Radio fart", cause I ain't confident in it...LOL I am gonna record it again closer to mic...it is a condender Audio Technica 4040. I am not crazy about my speaking voice, though singing I am very confident. Others said I was personable, but yes, I DO NOT HAVE THAT RADIO VOICE. But I AM THE CREDIT COWBOY..And since I come on the Radio Show probably good I do it myself....
Thanks for the timely input as I have other changes I'm implementing this morning and I will try for more presence...
I'll get a new version up here today or tomorrow