Ok this one's long and it would be better for you to see my body language while telling it but i'll try to do it in words only.

There is this organization "doctors without frontiers" doing work on innocent war victims in Africa
So they come to a village and ask if there is anyone with a problem to fix.
Sure enough, a guy comes, missing an arm, asking for a replacement.
"We have run out of men's arms" comes the reply, "but we have a woman's arm that will fit you good". He agrees, and they fit the woman's arm on him.

Another village, another victim, this time a man missing a leg.
"Sorry, but a man's leg is extremely hard to find, but we do have a beautiful woman's leg that will serve you well". The man is reluctant, but thinking of a life in crutches, finally agrees, and the leg is fitted.
The journey continues, they reach the last village of the tour, and things get difficult. A man has his ***** cut off by a snake, and of course feels miserable.
"Well", they say, "you sure understand that it is impossible for us to have such a thing"
He agrees but starts crying.....So they look at each other and they finally say "we think there is something we can do, we have this baby-elephant trunk, which may well be used as a replacement for your ***** ".
As they leave the village, he is the happiest man in the region.

Weeks pass by, and they make the round to the first village, asking for the guy who got the arm replacement.
"You saved my life" he says, bursting into tears, "I work now as a tailor, without the hand I had no future".
After they ask for any problems, he says, "well sometimes when I am alone, this hand acts weird, it is petting my genitals all by itself, but i use the other hand to stop it".

Next village, next patient asked about problems with the leg he got and he answers in the same manner.
"Without you I'd be lost, but now I work in the post office and walk 15 miles a day". Asked for problems he says, "yep, sometimes this leg, you know, well, like, when i lie in bed, well it spreads away from the other leg like a woman waiting a man".

Time passes, and they reach the last village. When they ask for their patient, they get angry looks from the villagers. When they finally find him, he is full of joy: "Guys you have to see this thing, I am famous now, it drives all the women crazy, it can move, do all sorts of tricks, I am a happy man"
Asked about problems he replies, "Well none, apart from a minor inconvenience"
"So what is it, maybe we can fix it"
"No it is ok, just a little problem"
"Well come on tell us about it"
"Well, sometimes when I go to a bar and they serve peanuts with the drinks, it takes them from the bowl and shoves them up my ass, can you do anything for that?"



[This message has been edited by trident (edited 06-07-2005).]

..."ouch" my guts hurt!!

Same as Shboom here...

Ouch...

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Greetings from Frankfurt (Germany),
Sheriff ;-)

A furniture store owner was trying to talk to a young lady at a bar. "If the price of furniture doesn't go up, I'm going to lose my ass", he said.

The young lady replied, "If the price of ass doesn't go up, I'm going to lose my furniture".

Russ

Aaaaargh, now my head's goin' to explode...

Hey, Trident, that's a good 'un! LMAO!

It's almost like the old joke where a guy spent a night in the pub swilling back the Guinness and eating peanuts, then went outside and pebble-dashed (stuccoed in North America) the front of the pub.

That'd almost fit right on the end of your joke.

this documents a very well know situation here, you may have the same things in your countries....

There are 3 kids, an american, a japanese kida and a Greek kid, bragging about their fathersa and their countries technological achievements:

"My dad", says the Jap kid, "is a automotive engineer, works 100 miles away, gets off work at 16.00 and by 17.30 is on the table eating dinner, thanks to the super fast train we have developed..."

"That's nothing" says the american kid, "my dad is an astronaut, and gets off work at the space station at 17.00, and by 17.45 is at home, thanks to our super duper carrier missile."

"Whow" says the Greek kid, "my dad is a civil servant, he gets off work at 15.00, and usually by 14.15 he is already at home."

sad but true....

Here's another old goody:

This Texan rancher is visiting a farm in England and is bragging about the size of his spread back home by saying, "Whooo-ee boy!" (I don't really know if they actually say that in Texas, but bear with me) "It takes me two days to drive across my ranch!"
"Oh," says the English farmer, "I had a car like that once."

Hi everyone,I'm a new member from Cape Breton Island, Canada.and I'd like to say hello with a joke my 93 yr old uncle told me this morning...
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," says the bartender. "He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.