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#81036 - 04/14/05 02:04 PM
Re: GOOD FRIENDS?
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Senior Member
Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 7305
Loc: Lexington, Ky, USA
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Boy, this one hits close to home!
I used to get my feelings hurt, when someone in need requested help, I helped, and was supsequently ignored, never paid back or generally unappreciated.
Then I realized, I help people not always because they are friends, but because they are people who really need help, and I have no expectation of reciprication. I now get my satisfaction out of doing what I believe is the right thing. It makes me feel good.
I realized that I have helped numerous people multiple times, with no acknowledgement...only additional requests. That's my choice. Real friends don't continuously impose their problems on others. I'm leaving in 10 minutes to move my 427 pound "friend" from therapy to his home using a ramp I bought for him.I took him at 11:00, dressed him and put him in a pool. Then, I returned, got him out of the pool, dressed him at put him in the car. He did some errands, called me and now I have to go to get him out of the car and into his home. I've known him for 40 years and he has never helped me or anyone else as far as I know. What started as a request to take him to the doctor after being in bed for 6 weeks is now a 3 hour trip three times a week.I've been playing his jobs at a local restaurant and letting him keep the money, and now take care of all his business affairs (taxes, car liscense, home repair, etc.) He has a church, neighbors and three children who are never available. I'll continue because he needs me.
It may be my fault for gettig so involved, but, at this point, I don't think I have any option but to continue.
Russ
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#81037 - 04/14/05 02:45 PM
Re: GOOD FRIENDS?
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Member
Registered: 08/12/02
Posts: 673
Loc: malaga, spain
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russ,your story really touched me,you a kind helpful generous man,i didn,t start this thread for selfish reasons,but there are certainly more generous people than me,i,m just trying to see what makes people tick,keep em coming,mike
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#81042 - 04/18/05 11:33 AM
Re: GOOD FRIENDS?
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Senior Member
Registered: 01/02/00
Posts: 3781
Loc: San Jose, California
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Originally posted by captain Russ: Bebop..it's a REAL shame we don't live closer to each other...musical tastes... experience...attitude...it would be GREAT.
Tony, you have a GREAT outlook on life...I REALLY respect that!
thanks for everything,
Russ HI RUSS, I totally agree. If I could get Jann to go back to KY, I would be living there or Nashville in a hot minute. I stayed at Franklin when doing some recording at Nashville with Ray Lyall at his house and loved it. 1/2 acre manicured and landscaped lot, with ponds, patios, green everywhere, great house, big shop, garage, great neighbors, lotsa neato trees, all fenced, and the value is less the putting in a new garage at my house in San Jose. sign me ready to move to KY or TN. Bebop
_________________________
BEBOP
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#81045 - 04/19/05 04:01 PM
Re: GOOD FRIENDS?
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Member
Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 535
Loc: North Eastern Calif.
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My thoughs are If you can go through life and be fortunate enough to aquire One true friend you should count yourself very lucky, One is enough if its for real, and has stood the test of time. I've been extremly fortunate I have 4, one is my wife and life long partner.
I went through the usual give give give and give some more, in my younger years, only to find each disappeared when I could no longer afford to give or had not the time to fix their personal posessions, that usually showed up at my house on my days off. I put a end to this and they just seemed to disappear. But I found a middle ground for this, the ones that were just using me, almost always worked the conversation to bring up a request of a favor, and the thanks at the end was none existant, or half hearted. The true friends always treated these things like we were doing them together as our own, like a father and son or two brothers.
I still love to help others, but I watch, and if I see someone who needs help I'll offer and see it to the end. But anyone who solicits help I'm very wary of them.
I also was a dead set don't asks anyone for help if you can find a way (anyway)to help yourself. (and I always found a way) This is not always a good policy. I finally learned that you also must allow the person you helped to be able to return the favor, if you don't you'll hurt that person's feelings.
On this and other forums I see many older mature, and mellowed a bit guys, who I think are terrific people and probably has many best friends and I'm thankful to be a small part of this select group of people.....Pose
_________________________
Support the arts FEED a Musician Cheers....Pose
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