Yesterday, my long-time friend, George Gentry, a trumpet/sax player I've known and worked with since 1960, lost all heart function and has no blood pressure. He is on life support, with no hope of recovery. He had no DNR, which is now a big problem. The family is simply sitting in the hospital, not knowing what to do or where to turn. A meeting is scheduled with his doctor at 5:00 PM tonite, but he is clinically dead.

I've been taking care of George for over three years. I load him onto the "wheels" transport vehicle, follow him to his appointment, unload him for his appointment, load him back up and get him back into his bed at home. He hasn't been able to walk for several years. He has diabetes, lupis, heart failure, arthritis everywhere and many other problems, mostly related to the fact that he's over 400 lbs. I paid for a ramp into his home, got him a motorized chair, help with running, bill paying, etc. and am glad to do it.

Uncle Dave met him briefly when he was in Lexington last December.

How SAD and How preventable! Here are some things to think about:

1. Be ready! He has no will or DNR. He made all the decisions, and his wife of 46 years doesn't drive, write checks...he even ordered his clothes for her. Here in Kentucky, if you don't have a will, 1/2 goes to the kids and 1/2 to the wife. There's not enough for Janice to live on.

2. Let your family know where vital papers are. Janice doesn't even know if he has life insurance. They have $1,000 in the bank, a $40,000.00 home, $40,000.00 in an investment annuity from the sale of a small beauty shop, a paid for old Ford van and Pt Cruiser, AND a $29,000 balance on a Chrysler 300 he bought last year, against my strong advice. All assets are in his name only. The payment on the car is 1/3 of his retirement income. The balance owed is $13,000 more than the car is worth.

3. Watch you health! He's had multiple things that could kill him over the years. I sat helplessly as he got worse and worse. Medical people could not reverse the damage
of bad lifestyle choices.He was miserable...in great pain for the last three years.

4.Value the time you have with loved ones.
Enjoy and participate in the lives of your friends. Do things for others.

Things like this make me appreciate you folks a lot, and make some of the squabbles that surface here occasionally so meaningless.

Please prepare for the future. George was a great guy...a great friend...a music partner,
and he's left a mess for his family. He was too important to a lot of us to end things like this.

I really miss my life-long friend, and will be there for Janice. In his 65 years, he never complained of racial issues, even though he had it rough as a black musician in the south. That big grin eventually won over everyone, and he worked at one of the best Italian Restaurants in the area for the last 10 years he played. I'm so very glad to have been a part of his life.

Russ

Russ ... sorry for your pain, my friend ... You and George and his family are in our prayers ...
We NEVER know what tomorrow will bring, or if it will come at all ...
At a recent reunion of our NY band members, with all of us in our mid to late 60's and one of us at age 79 (!!!), while we were jamming, I couldn't help but wonder how many times we might have left with all of us together ...
Treasure each day, and make beautiful music ...
t.

I am so sorry to hear that Russ and my deepest sympathy goes out to George and you also for your loss of a close friend.

Russ, that (truly) brought a tear to my eye and is a sobering reminder to all of us in this age group, that we need to get (and keep) our house in order.

My hope is that I live my life in such a way that I will have friends such as you to remember me fondly when my turn comes. I must say, that your post says as much about you as it does your friend. It's easy to see why you have the respect you have around here...it's because you've earned it. Should be a lesson for us all.

chas

When I met George last year, he was bed-ridden, but not at all miserable. He recieved me with a smile, and his wife was cordial, and gracious as well.
It's sad that they have such hardships, but I have to think that somewhere, deep inside, George has a positive, cheerful memory of many friends and loved ones he has touched.

Hang in there, Russ. We're all in your corner.

Janice and her son, George, Jr. are in route to St. Louis to bring back a daughter who is having financial difficulties and couldn't afford to make the trip to Kentucky on her own. George is still in the hospital, with a heartbeat created by his pacemaker, and on all kinds of other tubes, etc. All four of his doctors say there is no hope, but, the decision to remove life support is one they all feel the family must make together, since there is no will and/or DNR. One son, who has a history of violence, drug abuse and has been in prison, is terrorizing the rest of his family. He has been kicked out of the hospital several times, and everyone is afraid of him. He is refusing to sign an agreement to remove life support until he gets an agreement about his share of assets. They did mutually agree last night to not have extraordinary measures taken to reverse defib, if it happens again. He coded three time already before becomming completely comatose, and heis ribs are fractured.

Supposedly, when the sister gets into town, they'll agree to remove life support. He's too

large to fit into the mechanism to do a brain scan, but all medical people think that's not necessary. I spent most of the night last night with him and will be there most of the time until his family returns from St. Louis.

What a mess! Really shows why we all need to have our affairs in order.

Thanks to everyone for your concern. I've let Janice know about your good thoughts.

You're a big help to me right now.


Russ

HI RUSS,
I am in the age bracket where I have been through this with friens also. I know how it hurts and my prayers are for you as well as his family. this is a difficult decision to be made.
I have my DNR filed with my doctor and hospital both and it will be made by my wife under the doctors advice. Hers is the same.
Our wills are in order and our houe is in order.
I would hope that more people would develope an awareness for meeting these needs.
Our best to you and hang in there. George needs his friends as well as his family.
Best to you and yours,
Bebop

George was officially pronounced dead at about 3:50 AM Sunday morning. That was one week after all his doctors said there was no hope. With no DNR, it took from Sunday week until Wed to get agreement on removing life support. The Defib unit was still firing, and the decision was made to wait until the battery was spent.

I now have to straighten out his business affairs. Looks like there won't be enough for Janice to stay in their home. He has multiple obligations and not enough resources to cover them.

PLEASE, let's all be prepared for similar situations. George was a GREAT guy, but he left his poor little wife in a mess.

Great article in the local Herald-Leader, detailing his life and music, including some of the touring bands he played with.

My task now is to arrange for burial and take care of Janice.

Thanks for the kind words. Janice and I really appreciate it, coming from fellow musicians.


Russ

Russ......give her a hug for me.
We're here when you need us.
UD

Russ ... They couldn't have a better friend than you in this time of need ...
Our prayers are with you all ...
t.

George's funeral was Saturday at an old, historic African Methodist church. He was a highly respected member of the congregation and of the community as well. He was recognized for his contribution to local religious music and for teaching local kids the fundamentals of jazz.

It was a fitting send-off to my dear friend.
I really appreciate your concern and kindness.

Russ

Russ, I'm very sorry for your loss and for my late reading of this thread.

This has been an extraordinary year for losing precious life. I personally don't cope very well to losses like this, so I can imagine what you are going through. I think the best response is to celebrate the life of the individual and in George's case, why not have a memorial concert or JAM in his honor with his musical friends? I did this for a close friend of mine who was a fantastic bass player. Since music is usually from the heart, it is a great homage to the individual to share yourself with his soul.

Great advice on the DNR, I would also recommend getting, at the very minimum, a large term life insurance policy to cover both you AND your spouse. I'm not an insurance salesman, but after 9/11, I re-evaluated all of my affairs and met with several financial planners (I fortunately work for Merrill Lynch), and setup my financial affairs with my wife at my side. We pay through the nose for an Annuitized insurance policy, plus I am covered under my work umbrella. At the very least, all my debt is covered and my wife will have an annuity to live on.

And lastly, I also visit the doctor every 6 months. It's funny as I get older how many more doctors I have? What's with that?

I now visit my general internist, urologist, orthopedist (knees), nutritionist, chiropractor, dentist, orthodontist, Opthomologist, and proctologist (or is that my attorney, i forget).

I guess what I'm getting at is this; Turn a negative into a positive and for Georges sake, take care of yourself, your family, and your finances.

Peace!

------------------
Al Giordano
http://www.arrangerworld.com


Tyros 2, Yamaha P-250, Korg Triton Extreme 76, Roland VK8-M, DW Collectors Series Drums, Roland SPD-S.

Thanks, Al. We had a small jazz jam session the night before the funeral. Alternated between the jam and paying a solo album George recorded
about 10 years back.


Thanks so much!

R.

Russ, I don't visit this thread very often. Very sorry for the loss of your friend. I remember you mentioned him to me when we spoke some weeks ago. May he RIP!

Thanks, Steve. Now, back to the G-70 and other new toys!

R.

Russ -

Please accept my heartfelt, albeit belated, condolances.

You also have my respect for the dignified way you cared for your friend in life and in death...

Well done, Sir...

Regards-