Last night, Doc, my dear old father-in-law and best friend, passed away. I have been his primary caregiver since he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1997.

I left a 30 year corporate job, and have been handling a Family Trust, and Education Trust and taking care of his personal needs and business. That's the least I could do for a man who spent his entire life giving to others. I didn't expect or take any compensation; even for out-of-pocket purchases. It was my great honor to help. As a physician, he chose mental health administration at vastly reduced compensation, compared to private practice, because he could help far more of those who most needed the care.

He was my role model, and my teacher until the moment he died. A simple, humble man, raised on a farm, who made his mark in his chosen field and with the charities and causes he supported, with no praise or recognition expected, all his life-time.

Sadly, he relied on me because he couldn't rely on his natural children, who tried their best to get every dime he had.

As I sat in the Hospice room last night after he died and watched the crying and moaning of kids who didn't even take the time to visit and were always calling for "help", I had to really fight off the anger.

His was a life that mattered. Doc, at 93, and not very responsive, rarely had visitors. The standard response was, "He doesn't know I'm there, so I just don't go". I firmly believe that, even yesterday, the moment he passed away, he knew there was someone there there who loved him.

Gradually, his beloved Kiwanis Club, his church; even most good friends and family members just "disappeared".

Hospice was canceled at 10:30 AM on Monday because he was doing so well. The next day, he was gone.

Please, please cherish the ones you hold dear. Do what you can for others.

And always remember and be thankful for the ones who made a difference in the lives of others. Hank was so fortunate to have Don M around. His compassion and genuine caring is one of the reasons why he is at the top of my "good guys" list.


Russ



[This message has been edited by captain Russ (edited 02-11-2010).]

This is beautiful Russ.
Thanks for sharing your feelings.
condolences to you and yours,
Bebop

Sorry to hear of your great loss.

Russ,
Pop was lucky to have you ... as I am to have you as a friend.

....what Uncle Dave said.

Russ, I just saw this. I could say a lot of things but I think UD already said it best.

Your friend,

chas

Russ,

My condolences to you and your loved ones.

Don't dwell on the shortcomings of his children. Life always rewards those that do good. Just knowing that you were there for him is rewarding. This is something that belongs to you and no one can ever take that away.

Be well, my friend.

Taike, Nok and "Da Dude" Mapanoy

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Bo pen nyang.

Russ, sorry to hear about your loss.

My condolences, to you and your family.

Paul

Russ, sorry to hear about your loss.

My condolences, to you and your family.

Paul

That is very sad. But he obviously was a huge influence on you in a very good way so he left his legacy with you and I am sure there are many others that he influenced in a similar manner. The world is a much better place because of people like him.

While it is upsetting for you to see how little his children really cared I think he was a wise man who while being disappointed that they act this way would much more appreciate the way people like you turned out rather than focusing on the negatives of others.


[This message has been edited by Nigel (edited 02-14-2010).]

Thanks so much. Funny story. Doc was the superintendant at the State mental institution. Periodically, a group of students would come over to entertain. This time, it was a University of Kentucky sorority...cute as hell...who were going to do broadway-like show song and dance numbers for a group of the most violent and troubled residents...mostly men.

Naturally, there were staff members who worried about the safety of the girls. Doc said, "no problem. I've got it covered".

After the night of the show (he attended), I asked him how it went. "No problem", he said. " I just had the staff put their pants (the patients pants) on backward and tighten their belts".

Man, does this leave a hole in my life. How fortunate I was to have known someone like this.


Thanks, all,


Russ



[This message has been edited by captain Russ (edited 02-15-2010).]

Hi Russ,
Indeed a sad time. I did not know Hank, or Doc, for obvious reasons, but that does not prevent me from sharing the grief of those who did.
You have more compassion in your little finger than some people could express throughout their lives. Do not resile from the standards you possess, as they are what keep most of us maintaining faith in the human race, in spite of some of the events which keep occurring from day to day.
Hold your head high, you don't owe much to anybody, if anything, they owe a lot to you.
See Ya !!
Ray

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Ray The Saint

Russ, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I know how much time, effort and expense you put into caring for him.
You and Doc are in our prayers.
DonM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by The Saint:
[B]Hi Russ,
Indeed a sad time. I did not know Hank, or Doc, for obvious reasons, but that does not prevent me from sharing the grief of those who did.
You have more compassion in your little finger than some people could express throughout their lives. Do not resile from the standards you possess, as they are what keep most of us maintaining faith in the human race, in spite of some of the events which keep occurring from day to day.
Hold your head high, you don't owe much to anybody, if anything, they owe a lot to you.
See Ya !!
Ray

My exact feelings & thoughts

Jerry

It is good to have friends. Doc had a great friend in you, Russ...

Condolences...

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Bill in Dayton

You need to know how very important you folks are to me.


Thanks so much,


Russ