Diki, I think you explained it well. Many viewers keep their thoughts silent, so not to offend anyone, or to not over glorify another. It took me a while to establish a stronger backbone and I started posting again. Hey, I have the toughest critic in the world, within my family walls. I sent my new website to my wife and she said to take down everything but my instrumental! How's that for confidence. I played a party for a dying friend yesterday. It was supposed to be for a few family members. Drove 3 1/2 hours and couldn't even find a parking place. I was not prepared for 50 or more people. They shoved me in a corner and had my speakers behind a lazy boy, on the floor. Kids were running around my equipment and the mother told me to turn it down. Luckily, I had done a few songs for my friend, but I was so upset after that comment, I turned off the keyboard and promptly left. To make the day worse, I checked my phone at 6pm and read "Jim, where are you, you were supposed to be here for the Veteran's special at 2 pm". I couldn't even sleep last night and had thoughts of selling my gear. Stuff happens, but if you like what you do and your soul enjoys the happiness that your music brings, it's all ok.
Perhaps I'm missing something, you know, I'm still learning English... but if there was something about your singing, I'd say that you ought to be confident about it; singing is definitely one of advantages you have; I'm not even sure that a common audience pays a lot of attention to playing an arranger, but singing is usually something which everyone understands. You know, there're people (like me) who actually can't sing and when they try it's either laughable or "what's the hell is that?", and there are people who can sing, and you are one of them, it means that listening to it is comfortable, and I'm 100% comfortable with listening to your singing.
As for some unfortunate job you had recently, I understand your feelings. When I started to play in public, I had to play an acoustic piano, although all my previous practice was only with keyboards. Somehow for a long time I was mostly well-recieved. Then the economy got worse, people stopped to tip, basically people started to be less optimistic and less open to different kinds of music. What I'm trying to say is that although I was less experienced at first and don't even want to think about how I sounded there, I felt successful back then, and now when I think that I have more to offer, the general atmosphere makes me to question everything.
Last gig I had was practically ruined by kids and managers, and when there are not so many gigs at all it surely makes you wonder, but so far I just intent to minimize my efforts, I mean, if they don't care, neither will I, I'll just bring one keyboard, one speaker and will be playing to myself...
It often seems that things in life are rather independent from each other, and the things people say to us or do to us are not really about us, they are just about how they feel in this very moment and a lot of time people feel uncomfortable not really knowing the reason for that.
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