When requesting a song, just say "play my song!" We have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge. If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.
Musicians all know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be... it helps jog the memory
If we tell you we don't know a song you want to hear, we either forgot that we know the tune or we're just putting you on. Try singing a few words for us. Any words will do.
It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog our memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."
As entertainers, we're notorious fakers and jokesters and never really prepare for our shows, but simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what we're gonna do once we arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let us off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters.
If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band ever played, even if the current band is a blues or country band. It's the law. Feel free to yell "AC/DC!" or "SLAYER!" even if we play strictly originals or jazz for example.
TALKING
The best time to discuss anything with us in any meaningful way is in the middle of a song when we're singing (or playing) at the same time. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
Musicians are expert lip readers too. If we do not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because we didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to
scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled. As Singers we have the innate ability to answer questions and sing at the same time. If we doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because we're purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
HELPING US OUT
If you inform us that you are a singer, we'll appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on stage and join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound, and the louder you should sing.
If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the us more than outrageous dancing, fifth and sixth part harmonies, or a tambourine played out of tempo. Try the cowbell; we love the challenge. We always needs the help and will take this as a compliment.
VERY IMPORTANT
Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom in case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form.
BONUS TIP
As a last resort, wait until we take a break and then get on stage and start playing our keyboard & feel free to use our mic. We love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully completed your audition. We'll call you immediately the following day to offer you a position.
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I actually received this article from a fellow performer musician. This article's been circulating around the music community as well as online forums for quite some time, so felt it about time it be included here on the SZ as well. As wtih any other job, ours includes BOTH ups & downs, so felt worth pointing out the pitfalls, to contrast the public's perception of it as 'all' glitz & glamor.
I would have credited the author if I only knew who wrote it, but nonetheless, countless other musician- entertainers (including myself) concur with the author's sentiments.
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