I guess this is off topic because I did not use an arranger on this demo, it's just me and guitar.

If you care to hear a work demo up on Songramp, here is the demo link . Just curious if I can get any feedback on the song. If anyone thinks it has any commercial potential. To pitch to publishers, not as sung by me.

Or if you like it at all, hate it, whatever.

I can't recall, Songramp might require a listener to register but if so, it's brief and they don't spam you.


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Bill
Yamaha PSR2000

Bill, I think it's one of your better efforts.
Meter, chord progression and continuity are good.
Probably a bit long to be commercial. But then El Paso and Lyin' Eyes were too long too.
IMO a tad too much effects on your vocal.
Is that HankB's Martin?
DonM

Good job Bill......
vocal reverb can be corrected ...

I'd hold off the power strumming till after the second verse to let the listener get into the groove first.

thanx for sharing!

Good Luck

Not bad. I suggest backing off on the reverb for the vocal track. It has an interesting "folky" style to it.

Have you tried this song without a pick? I think with this style, using your fingers alone will soften and warm up the guitar track.

It has a good acoustic flavor too--consider adding some light bongo work--not too heavy, just a light touch. Some tamborine shakes here and there would sound nice also. (just my opinions though)

Good start.

Squeak

No, Don, that is my Carvin, I haven't even played Hank's Martin yet, I am stuck in Beaumont. Right after I saw Hank, had to hustle down here and the car broke down and it cost me two days. It'll be $540, ouch. I'll be back tomorrow. Hopefully.

I am always concerned about length, always, but I could not figure out how to make this song any shorter. In fact, I actually would prefer to slow it down, it seems a tad fast to me but I was trying to shorten the length, as you said.

I think that song is 4:02, so, maybe it's okay. Supposedly, the average song is 4 minutes these days. I think back... yeah, I recall trying to cut, cut, cut... and remember that I actually took out some guitar work that actually made the song better but it added maybe 20 seconds total. For an album cut, 4:30 or 5:00 would probably be okay.

Thanks for listening Dnj, I don't know if I can hold off on that power strum as it designates when the chorus comes in but I'll mess around with it, who knows, I might can make it work.

Yep, it's just a work demo, I'd never added that reverb like that but thought it kind of fit this particular song... the haunting nature of the song. I need to try it with "normal" reverb.

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Bill
Yamaha PSR2000

Bill, well you know me; I'll call it as I see it. Fact is, I really liked it. I'm sure part of that is because it's all acoustic. That alone makes it the most enjoyable listen (for me) here on the Zone in quite awhile (yeah, I know it's an arranger forum). Takes me back to Viet Nam, Bob Dylan, Marvin Gaye, and all the great message/protest songs of that era. Given the changing mood in this country at the moment, I suspect you'll be seeing a lot more of this type of song. Some might see it as somewhat contrived or formulaic (war, blood, dead babies, dead buddies, etc.) but I don't really. If you're trying to make a statement, it probably should be a little graphic. I can't really see adding any kind of percussion as this type of tune is best presented with just acoustic guitar and vocal. I think even the studio-produced, commercial version should be done the same way. It keeps the honesty. Whatever you do, DON'T do an arranger version . JMHO.

chas