Here is a country song I wrote and just recorded with the help of my PSR-S900. I used the style ModCntryBld2. I added my voice, acoustic guitar, and a few electric licks. I pretty much used the arranger style intact. I just turned some voices down and moved a couple of bass notes around.
www.myspace.com/larrylevin

The song is called, I'm Worthy of Your Love.

I originally wrote the song on my acoustic about 12 years ago.

What do you think?

Beakybird

Larry-

I'll try and be more detailed than I was last time...



I liked this one the least of everything I've heard from you...

It doesn't seem to have anything approaching a "hook". The melody is weak and the chorus (?) where you sing the "whoa's" IMO, doesn't work...

Find a lyric for that section might help...

The other tunes were easy to listen to, this one, I kind of had to make myself listen to the whole thing.

Another suggestion is that you seem "fill happy." (It happens to alot of us) where we trigger a fill key too often. Mostly, they should be used to link phrases or sections of a verse, for example.

There's no hard and fast rule, but I find less is more in most cases as far as fills are concerned.

Q: Are you looking for comments on your lyrics also or just the musical end of things?

Cheers-

------------------
Bill in Dayton

[This message has been edited by Bill in Dayton (edited 01-31-2009).]

Thanks for listening Bill.

I will be frustrated if others have the same reaction, because I spent a lot of hours on it, partly because I'm a crappy lead guitarist (I just started playing again after 9 years). I have had people very moved when I played the song just me and the guitar.

I could see what you're saying about the fills. Maybe the whoas worked better on the acoustic act.

I thought the hook was pretty straightforward:

And I'm lonely
Come and hold me
I'm worthy of your love

If others think it's a crappy song, I guess it's back to the old drawing board.

Beakybird

Wheres the link to the song?

Im not joining my space just to hear songs....isnt there a link?

I'm sorry, I loaded it onto www.trackspin.com under my name, Larry Levin.

I didn't know that you had to join myspace to listen to the songs.

Beakybird

OK so how do you hear the song I went there its not listed?



[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 02-01-2009).]

Thanks for your patience Donny. It is listed now.

Beakybird

OK... here goes...

This one at least could work in today's market, not too Beatlesque or recognizably someone else's style...

Yes, WAY too fill happy. Record as a MIDI file and edit them to be different, paste in just some simple pickups instead of full fills if you want just a little lift (but better might be a pickup fill from the guitar or bass) in the middle of a verse or chorus.

The guitar part was too low in the mix (at times). It helps detract from the arranger nature of it, Bring it up.

My advice on the song would be to transpose up a step at about the halfway point. It needs a lift, and the song doesn't really provide it all by itself. Last verse and chorus might work better with a whole tone step up. It works on many songs. Give it a try...

Finally, I'm sorry to say it, but yes, even though it's a demo, you REALLY need to be a bit more picky about the vocal track. Pitch problems (which maybe ARE fixable with Autotune) but more especially, breathing and tone issues. You REALLY need to breathe better, and support that voice. Perhaps a couple of lessons with a good vocal coach might pay big dividends. And maybe some help with a good compressor to help even things out a bit. What are you currently using as a mike chain?

But, as another unrelated point (to this song, at least), one thing kind of worries me. You say you wrote this years ago. As were both the good ones from the previous batch. Trouble is, as a 'pro' songwriter, you are going to have to write LOTS of songs all the time. I know quite a few pro songwriters, staff writers for major labels, etc., and one thing they all are is prolific! They often write several songs a DAY

Out of several songs a day, maybe they would write one good one a week, and MAYBE one song a month would get picked up and retained. And maybe one or two songs a year would be a hit.

But they HAVE to write several a day to give them that shot at the hits. If you are still mining your back catalog, you might give a thought to what you will do when it runs out. Can you produce on that kind of scale? They don't have to be great songs. Often a great song comes out of something else you think doesn't stand a chance. But the more you throw at the wall, the more likely ONE is going to stick.

Just a thought...