Before a gig, the bandleader calls the female singer over to him and tells her, "Tonight, when we do 'Night and Day,' I want you to sing the second verse first, and then break into the bridge one bar earlier than usual. Transpose the bridge up a minor third, but then back down again for the last three bars of it. Then add a 5/4 bar going back into the FIRST chorus, singing on only off-beats. During the sax solo, go to the bridge a bar-and-a-HALF too early, interrupting the solo, finish the first verse, go to the coda a bar late, and then keep singing for a full 3 beats after the band has ended."

Her eyes widen and she says, "That's way too hard, I can't do all that."

He says, "You did it last night!!

Hahaha, that is great! Got me, didn't see that coming.

Super

solo pianist sent in as piano bar sub, tells the clubowner he doesn't do standards, only originals. clubowner says he doesn't care, as long as it sounds good. pianist plays first tune, then announces: That's one i wrote called
"Your Face Looks Like Somebody Stepped On It"
Next one is another original, I call it "Stuff This Up Your Armpit, Moron". He plays his ass off, but every tune has a wacko title. So it's time for his break, he goes to men's room, comes back out, sits at the bench going thru his sheet music, when a woman nearest him at the piano leans over and whispers in his ear: "Do you know your fly is open and your member is about to fall out of your pants?" The pianist replies:
"know it? I wrote it!!"

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Miami Mo

This one even better
Thanks for the nice relaxing momment ...

MJ

Then there's the old favourites:

"I Used to Kiss My Baby on the Lips, But Now it's All Over",

and

"Meet Me Outside the Pawnshop and I'll Kiss You Under the Balls".

I think all of those country tunes are on Don Mason's play list.

Tom