What do you call a beautiful girl on a trombonist's arm?
A tattoo.

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
The rock musician plays three chords for a thousand people, and a jazz
musician plays a thousand chords for three people.

Why was the piano invented?
So the band would have a place to set their beers.

Why is the trumpet an instrument of worship?
Because a man blows in it, but God only knows what comes out.

What happens if you play Blues music backwards?
Your wife comes back and treats you okay, and you don't wake up in the morning.

What do you call a building full of saxophonists?
Jail.

What's the difference between a bassoon and a chain saw?
The exhaust.

Three trombone players in a car. Who's driving?
The police.

What's the difference between a French Horn and a lawn mower?
You can tune the lawn mower.

Do you know the definition for perfect pitch?
When you throw the banjo into the dumpsite and it lands right on the accordion.

Did you hear about the clarinetist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him so he proved it by playing one.

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.

Why does the violinist have a handkerchief under his chin when he plays?
Because there is no spit valve.

Why are violins smaller than violas?
They're really the same size, but violinists have bigger heads.

Why can't gorillas play a trumpet?
They are too sensitive.

Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

How do you know you have a singer at your front door?
Can't find the key; doesn't know when to come in.

How can you get a guitar player to stop playing?
Put sheet music in front of him.

How long does it take to tune a guitar?
Nobody's bothered to find out.

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up an accordion.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

Why do we have bass players?
To translate for the drummers.

What is the definition of a quarter tone?
Two oboes playing in unison.

What's the difference between a soprano and a Rottweiler?
Jewelry.

What do you get when you play New Age Music backwards?
New Age Music.

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning...... "

What's the difference between a puppy and a flutist?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.

How many musician jokes are there?
Just one - all the rest are true.