Hi Joe,
Of course you shouldn't have any regrets or shame about having a few drinks. It is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction to your situation. - And I'm sure that all Synthzoners have sympathy for your sadness.
We cannot possibly put ourselves into your shoes. But - How about this. ?
Have you tried developing an 'ENORMOUS' sense of 'gratitude'. ? - For 54yrs of loving and living. - How fortunate you were. - 'Better to have loved and lost etc etc'.
I would imagine that developing this attitude towards your loss, must help in coping with it. - Worth a try perhaps. ! - You and your 'gratitude' can become liveable bedfellows. - Meanwhile, you know from the responses you've had, that you're not alone. My very best regards,
Colin.