Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
”I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether
you're here or not."

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband, Stiff At Last"

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends
and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in
spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please
wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Funny stuff...

Another 'husband & wife' joke.

This husband is very disappointed by his wife's lack of sexual performance so he goes to his doctor to ask for help. The doctor prescribes some pills which he says should get things going.

Later that day the couple are sitting there having a coffee and, while the wife's attention is distracted for a moment, the husband slips one of the pills into his wife's coffee. She takes a sip and in an instant, she's tearing off her clothes and leaping onto the table scattering cutlery and crockery in all directions, and grabbing at her husband.

The following day the husband is back at the doctor's office telling of the effects of the pills. The doctor apologises profusely and offers to pay for any damage caused. "No, it's okay," says the husband, "we won't be going back to that restaurant again."

[This message has been edited by renig (edited 09-13-2005).]

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...shboom

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Greetings from Frankfurt (Germany),
Sheriff ;-)