Last night it was a party of about 200...a "Change of Watch" banquet for a yacht club. I've done it the last 3 years with a female singer and it has always been a good job with the typical cocktail music in the beginning working up to the the normal routine or R&R, polkas, Rhumbas, country, blues, etc.

But, last night, the new commodore's wife said there was a "professional torch singer" in the audience. I balked, but it was made more than clear to me that this is what the first lady wanted.

So, at the first break I went over to the torch singer's table to meet her and find out what she would like to sing. She appeared to be in her late 50's, a slightly pudgy redhead (probably an UD reject,lol) and spoke with some kind of a latin accent..but it was hard to specify as she was slurring her speach.
(Red Flag number one.)

Then she turns to the guy she was with, whom she identified as her "manager" and says, "What key do I do number 30 in?" He says "F". I say, "What is number 30?". He says, "Don't get around much anymore..and she wants it slow and sultry".

She says, "What key do I do number 36 in?"
He says "That is also in F". I say, "What is number 36?" He says, "Lady is a tramp". She says, "And I want it real slow."

So...next set I bring her up. My female singer sets her up with the mic and takes a back seat. I start the intro to "number 30", she walks out on the dance floor and proceeds to belt out "Don't get around much anymore". I had to turn her mic down a bit..she was very powerful and style-ized the song as though she thought she was Ella Fitz. It wasn't horrible...but it wasn't Ella. The room hushed for about a minute, then I heard chatter return. No one danced.

Then came song "number 36". She didn't like the tempo I picked and told me to speed it up. After several adjustments while vamping, she jumped in. Again heavy jazz styling and the insertion of a few 4 letter words into the lyrics which made me cringe a bit in light of the sophistication of the crowd. She was show-boating a bit, not too many were paying attention..and again, no dancers. But, I thought it went as well as could possibly be expected.

When she finished, she brought the mic over to me and said, "I don't think they noticed any of your mistakes." (That was extremely comforting to know.)

No "thank yous". No professional courtesy. No pleasantry of any kind. My singer walked over to her and said "Nice job". Ms. Torch Singer said, "Yeah, I know" and walked away.

By then, I felt the need to change the mood in the room and went with "Celebration" which filled the dance floor and resulted in a major Conga line which snaked its way through the dining room and bar.

Ms. Torch and her manager did not participate, preferring to chat...presumably about her performance.

This whole rant is just to accentuate why I REALLY don't want to accomodate guest singers, unless I know them and know that they can please the crowd of the moment.

And I was somewhat taken back by her (and her manager's) lack of professional courtesy.

THE TOPPER: At the end of the night, the guy that was supposed to pay me had already left. I'm guessing it was during #30 and #36. LOL.

Another round, Nigel!

Eddie

I think I better make it a double shot Eddie. That sounds like a real horror story. But at least your audience had a good time with you the rest of the time.

I think this is a common nightmare for all of us.
These champions that have no self-insight, wading their way up to the microphone because they think they can sing. 'It sounds great in the shower.'
I normally tell the person to come back towards the end of the night, because as I say, 'when one starts, they all come running'.
They usually accept this, and by the end they have either have left or they've forgot about it. And if they think I was going to call them up, wooops, I forgot. And when you shut down and they approach you with 'why wasn't I called upon' I say :'Sorry I completely forgot.......'

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Roy-Andrè

Back in the good ol days when I worked steady, here's what worked for me.

sure honey be glad to back you, but to do this, I need practice to learn your songs in order to get the best for you and make you really sound good, come to reheasal next week and we'll put it together.( then i'd say flatly I did not want to embarase myself or you)

Never had one show up in over 30 years doing this..........Pose

[This message has been edited by loungelyzard (edited 01-17-2005).]

1. That is a very 'good' story Eddie.

2. RoyandReno...but my singing DOES sound good in the shower, probably cause of the natural reverb

3. Seriously guys, I think I can sing well, as long as my band 'doesn't play the wrong song' or have a sudden acid-reflux.

Hey Eddie, funny story! These are the things that make you cringe when they occur, but make for great BAR room stories at some point in time. Thanks for sharing.

If the singer says to play it in Eb try Ab instead. No one but you will know that you used the transpose button. The Tyros will still display an Eb.

It will discourage the rest from trying.

Kn-Fan:
I'd let you sing any day of course!


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Roy-Andrè

Transpose may be a good idea, but one day I was supposed to play one song in a three piece jazz band (at church). Halfway throughout the song I was like what the heck how come the bass player keeps playing a wrong note! Turned out I was playing in the key of F as agreed, but I ALSO transposed my keyboard to the key of F!

Good thing it was jazz ... probably nobody noticed ....
(Said VERY tongue in cheek as I am a fan of JAZZ) ...
t.