This absolutely proves that there is humor in everything.

Colonoscopy....the humorous side
This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy
showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to
go all over the place,at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a
thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said,
because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription
for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to
hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now
suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being
nervous.Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that
day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with
less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of
powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with
lukewarm water.
(For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons.)
Then you have to drink the whole jug.
This takes about! an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being
kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint
of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel
movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump
off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but:
Have you ever seen a space-! shuttle launch? This is pretty much the
MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you
wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much
confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink
another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your
bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have
not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next
morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not
only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing
occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if
I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like
that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood
and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led
me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a
little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you
put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually
naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I
was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka
in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of
this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too
tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full
Fire Hose Mode. You would have! no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room,
where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not
see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there
somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll
over on my left side,and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up
to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I
realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy
that, of all the songs that could be playing during this
particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha
ha,' I said.
And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a
decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to
tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was
yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine, and the next
moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent.
I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and
that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder
of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER:
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the ! exam were
quite humorous... A physician claimed that the following are actual
comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was
performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
________________________________________

Serious but funny stuff! When I had mine last year, everything went fine until the nurse said I couldn't drive for 24 hours (legally, because of the sedative). I had a shoot at the nearby Toyota plant that evening, so I told the lady that I would have to cancel. She told me that 20-30% of the population do it without any "help".

That's what I did, and I can tell you that the hard right turn into the intestine is a "mother"******.

After the proceedure, the Dr. said in his 20 plus years, he had only done a few without sedatives. When I told him what the nurse said, he laughed and said that some try, but that's why they leave the needle in your hand.

Watching the proceedure totally coherent as shot by a miniature camera is a trip...looks like the grand canyon.

Anyway, not a great experience, but, given schedule conflicts, I'd do it that way again. I was back at work on a film score within 45 minutes.

We ALL need to make sure we do this life-saving proceedure when it needs to be done.

Hey, you hold-outs; don't be a "pain in the ***!".

Russ

Rus

You gotta be tougher then a box of rocks.

Another cute hospital story and true.

After going through a divorce I thought it best to get a Vasectomey.

It was Quite a day

1. The operating room nurse was my sister in law - I had gone through all the way through subprimary to HS with her. I'm usually not bashfull but still was a little uncomfortable. Damn we got drunk together graduation night. She was engaged to my future brother in law. I can't remember anything happening in fact I can't remember a lot about theat evening. LOL

2. The Novicain worked great for one side the other, well was kind of wild!!!!!! Yes levitation is entirely possible! The sweat poured right off me on that one. I wonder if those walls were soundproof.

3. What's the last thing you want to hear on the operating table?

Answer is Oooops!!!!!!!

Glad I won't have to go through that again.

My poor cousin wasn't that lucky, his wife was stricken with cancer so he got a vasectomy to make sure they didn't add to a bad situation. The lovely woman passed away and a few years later he remarried another terrific gal. A few years later he's in his forties and his wife anounces she's pregnant. Funny how a little life experience can turn someone upside down. His wife was faithful it just so happens Vasectomys some times are not permenant. Now mind you he is just a little crazy at this point. His mother gave him the gentle advice needed in this situation. DEAL WITH IT! Very Catholic family so it was the only option. The jokes about about grandpa being at the sport events were quite legendary. It was actually the most wonderful thing that happened to them.

Jerry

I have posted this here before, in a similar discussion!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1go72c5H8

When I had mine I asked the doctor if he found anything in there. He said no. I then asked him if he would write a note to my wife saying he didn't find my head there.

Fabulous, Tom. My kind of "smart ass" humor.


Russ "excuse the cheezy play on words": Lay