Man, I don't know why I'm posting this here except that this forum isn't kids, it's adults here.

I have a songwriter friend and she's been ill for 2 years. They FINALLY diagnosed her with ischemia of the arteries leading to the stomach. They did surgery two weeks ago. Been in ICU since. Now, three more surgeries since. First was the arteries, then remove spleen, gall bladder. Then got pneumonia. Now, kidneys are suspect?

I am getting this from her 18 year old daughter. Wow, this is heavy. They call me and I am a good friend to them. I've only known them six months. But her mom connected with my songwriting and I liked hers. We hung out and had good times.

I don't mean to ramble. She is dying. The daughter just called back in hysterics. Said her Gramma said that Mona looks like she weighs twice her weight and her eyes are popping out of her head and her face is BLACK and it is horrible.

This is because we are to go there tomorrow for a visit. She is in a hospital 70 miles from here. Her husband is with her.

The gramma said the husband is in denial "and you need to know that." (He's retaining "hope" and that bugs the gramma, I guess.)

The daughter doesn't handle stress well. There is also a 12 year old and they haven't told her how bad it is but she knows something is up and is scared.

What the heck do I say. This is a good woman and it sure looks bleak.

Point is, I don't know what to do. I don't mind being front man and going in and assessing the situation. But then what. If her appearance is as bad as they say, what then? Say, "No, you should not go in." Or "Yes, you should go in no matter how bad."

This daughter, I don't think she could handle it. She'll freak out, based on what I know. They are best friends plus mom/daughter, they play in the same band. Best friends.

I don't know what to do. They look to me for guidance for some reason. Well, actually, I know why. The "gramma" that I spoke of, she finally surfaced after abandoning this dear lady who is dying. At least she showed up now. Anyway, they don't have a strong family unit at all.

We were going there to hopefully do some good but it sure looks bad.

Hi SemiLiveMusic,

Sorry to hear about this unfortunate set of events. Hang in there with your friend. She will be in our prayers. Do let us know about her progress. Hope everything works out ok.

Tapas

Main thing is, I don't know what is right. Tell the kids, "It's really bad, you should not see her" or "You need to do this, you need to see her and be there."

This is a bit of an unusual situation. The family has no money. The two daughters, they have not been hanging around the hospital. It's 70 miles away and the family has no money, so it's a big problem. Now, it's down to the wire and it isn't pretty.

We were to go there tomorrow with hope in hand and play some music CD's and bring her some hope or whatever. But if she looks this "bizarre," these kids are going to absolutely freak out. This is their best friend and mom. A very cool lady.

On another tack, this is strange... but it seems like a botched job. It has been horror story after horror story. For two years now. And this surgery thing, it has been beyond belief. How can I know... but I don't know... it could be "poor care." This is a no-insurance family.

If she dies, it's the second person I was dearly fond of who was more or less a walking, talking, full of life (although sick) one day, and next day, dead. Or dying. From surgery. It's a big risk, that's my point. You can have the surgery and die from it.

SLM .... We will be praying for the Lord to give you the strength you need and to guide you through this difficult time ... The best to you ...
t.

Just follow your heart and give your friend the best gift you have ... YOU. None of us are here for long, so make the best of each second with those who are important to you. Don't let the disease or the effects overshadow the person inside. Look at your friend's soul, and your heart will know what to say or do. Honesty and sincerity can't do the wrong thing, and it sounds like your friend really needs you right now.

SLM...Which ever way things go..know that as a family we'll be here for you, whenever & whatever you need.
My thoughts are with you my friend.

------------------
...L

I just posted this because I really didn't know how to handle this. There are no family members for them. Only one is the blood mother (Grandma to the kids), and she surfaced after abandoning them for over 20 years. No dads in the pic.

I just didn't know what to do... she is going to appear really bad. It will be grotesque. These girls don't know what to do. I told them we need to go asap and once we get there, I'll be able to tell them what to do.

My plans are for them to go in no matter how bad she looks. To my knowledge, it is not certain death. The doc who called yesterday said 50/50. I told daughter, heck, 50/50 is GOOD... I've seen much worse-looking cases come through. Then she told me Grandma said "Which doc did you talk to? It is very bleak." I hope that's the right thing... to take them in. The daughters are going to freak out. I dunno... seems to me, it beats not being there at all. Even being traumatic.

What do I know. I don't even have kids. They just don't have anyone and they're turning to me for some reason.

Semi,

Sorry to hear about your friend.

I personally don't handle things like this very well. However, I'm usually a rock that shows very little emotion.

Having lost many loved ones over the years, the most important thing to accomplish here is face the realization that she is passing and to take the opportunity to say goodbye.

It sounds cold, but having the opportunity to spend the last days with a loved one and say a final goodbye is a very cleansing and healing time for everyone.

Be strong my friend...
Al

They see something in you that comforts them, and they trust you. Follow your heart, and don't be afraid to cry in front of your friends. Tears are cathartic and sometimes are the only way to get through difficult situations. This is a difficult situation for you, but you have the oportunity to soften the blow for these kids just by "being there". That's huge praise, my friend. The trust of a child is a blessing that's immeasurable....cherish it. You have a chance here to shape their lives. Just be there with them. Cry with them ..... talk with them...listen to them. Just remember to look past the physical ailments and look into their eyes. Your friend is still there, inside all the changes you may see on the outside.
God bless you ....... I know you're struggling, but you'll get through this. Lean on each other. You might be surprised at how strong and wise kids can be sometimes.

I'm usually a rock as well (and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries), and very uncomfortable regarding what to say. But I would suggest visiting her and just be there, even if you say nothing. Try to walk a mile in her moccasins; how would you feel if that were you and no one came to visit. Doctors and nurses are just doing there job, she needs family and friends, just to stand by.
Starkeeper