My grandpa took me into a really cheap greasy spoon diner one time.
There was a short-order cook that looked as if he hadn't had a clean shirt on in days. Cigarette hanging from his mouth, sweating profusely, he said "can I get you something?" My dad said "yes, bring us a coconut and a boiled egg, something you can't get your greasy hands on."
Grandpa was like that.
Jokes are getting worse.